Monday, May 02, 2005

It would appear to me that the world economy is essentially based on American bullshit.

Now hear me out.

The major economies of Asia - Japan, China, Korea, Taiwan - survive by creating products that they can sell to the giant American consumer market. The factories that are currently in place in each of these countries count on their continued ability to market their wares to the vast American market and thus if The United States economy was to tank, theirs would contract significantly as well.

European economies - Germany, France, England - though they have a major market of their own, still [especially Germany] are impacted significantly by global trade and by the American and Asian markets. Their economies are also slowly being 'liberalized' and are opening up to the 'free market', which basically means that they are transitioning from countries that actually produce something concrete - cars, electronics, steel - to countries which import these products from Asia and produce something else instead, hint: its brown, thick and gushes. The value of this brown murky gold is however to a large extent based on its international exchange rate which is often established by the American consumer, thus connecting the European economies to the American one.

I am waiting for a time when bullshit becomes a commodity and you can buy it and trade it as you would be trading cotton or iron. In fact I suggest that we immediately create a bullshit index using which we can quantify the health of the American economy. Its time to introduce this index or bullshit commodity prices into our calculations of the way the world economy functions.

"The value of bullshit rose 1.7% over the past 3 months. Growing customer confidence and a cold spring season which caused many consumers to stay home and watch TV contributed to the rise of bullshit commodity prices. The Asian markets responded by rallying and the Nikkei closed up 3% on expected increases in exports to the United States. The markets were apparently not concerned with the recent Asian bullshit affair in which the Chinese and Japanese central banks were buying up blocs of American bullshit to keep its prices high in order to boost exports."

America is the world's biggest producer of bullshit (George Carlin). Were bullshit prices to decrease, many of the best paid Americans - the CEOs, the lawyers, the PR people, the marketing and sales people - would lose their jobs or take pay cuts. This trend would work its way down through the US economy, especially impacting the all important service sector, which is based on serving the same highly paid, but often bored and unfulfilled individuals. The American economy would thus suffer, as would the European and Asian economies from surplus production capacities for goods Americans can no longer afford. Bullshit-based industries and professions in these countries would follow their American mentors downards thus further cutting into the customer base for global manufacturing. The entire world's economy would thus be seriously damaged giving the Great Depression of the 1930s a numeral after its name.

I should be careful now as I don't want to rock the boat. It would really suck to fall overboard...


Post a Comment

<< Home