Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Bubba's Movie Reviews.

Sin City (very nice.. one miscast)

Overall a very nice movie, though pity that the stories are not more interrelated. All the actors are excellent. Unfortunately the second story has one miscast, Clive Owen. Don't get me wrong, he is an excellent actor, but while all the other characters manage to be positively cartoonish (notice Rosario Dawson and Mickey Rourke), Clive Owen just seems to have missed the point of his role - don't be complicated, just be cartoonish.

The Interpreter (typical suspense crap, nothing inspiring)

Typical suspense crap. Twists and turns here and there, none too surprising. Reasonable, but not exceptional acting. A predictable ending. The only suspense for me was whether or not this movie would break the mold by actually having the main character succumb to the darker instincts or whether it would go all PC and forgive, forget, overcome and cry. Is this supposed to be a movie for adults or for nine year olds? This guy killed your family... Are you going to let him spend the rest of his short life in a 5 star European prison writing his memoirs and arguing with Slobo about the intricacies of international politics? Well, apparently Ms. Kidman will.

Sahara (typical adventure crap, one miscast)

a.k.a. Confederate Treasure. Indy, eh, sorry Dirk Dickweed is a brave adventurer who travels around looking for a Confederate battleship in the middle of the Sahara. It gets worse. There is a woman. She sorta just shows up on a beach and miraculously is rescued by kung fu grip Dirk who along with his retard of a partner is capable of taking on dozens of AK-47 armed men with the clever deception of wearing Bedouin outfits. The armed men of course don't notice the fact that the men's face and arms happen to be white. Of course they might just be a couple of typical Bedouin albinos, but then again they could be the only two white guys in that country. In any case after a long search, the battleship is discovered when in order to create cover for their jeep from a helicopter pilot with terrible aim Dirk throws explosives into a random sand dune. The sand dune is blown up to reveal a battleship. Lucky. They then use a cannon from a battleship that has been covered by sand for 150 years to fire a single accurate cannonball into a helicopter. Obviously there was an evil dictator on that helicopter. There is also some loosely connected story about a waste-treatment plant in the middle of the desert and how it is threatening the whole world with pollution... Obviously somebody has to save the day, and the marines aren't in town because they are all deployed in Bagdad. Crap. Crap. Crap....

There are also the evil corporate CEO, the loyal former naval admiral, the noble savage, and several geeks to round out the cast. Now, Penelope Cruz is very cute, but if nobody had noticed she is tiny. I might have believed Selma Hayek in that role, but Ms. Cruz is just not believable as a kick-ass danger-seeking doctor. She was probably a poor choice. All the acting was boring and uninspired and the only redeeming point of this movie is Steve Zahn... That tells you a lot about this movie.

This film is CONDEMNED.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Mysterious Stranger said...

Ooh, ooh, goody, our first condemnation! Quick, does anyone have the formula for stink bombs?!

2:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

why did you take down your plans for world domination?

-olga of the raskin clan

4:49 PM  
Blogger Bubba said...

I thought it was too ambitious. I want to do a bit more research into this kind of stuff...

5:13 PM  

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